ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
