Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
