So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
