I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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