I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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