Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
