i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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