You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
