24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
