that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize