New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
