i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
