Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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