he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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