Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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