Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
