They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was like eating out sand paper
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
