So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
