maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
