nut hugger
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
