ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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