So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
