Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Randomize
