How'd it feel making her break her religion?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
