508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my poor anus
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
