is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
