So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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