do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am one with the molecules
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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