Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
