I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
