you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
