I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
