a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
