so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
