Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize