do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
