last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
