you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
