I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
