lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
