I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
