i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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