I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
