Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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