I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
