Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize