I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
