I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
