i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
