I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
