I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
