Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
