found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
