the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
