Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
