It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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