This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
