I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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