There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
