If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
