your parents love me but you hate me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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