You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
