I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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